We found out...

we're having a BOY! No doubt about it.

I think being a mom has finally hit me. Suddenly I have a son to start thinking about. All the responsibilities, the hurdles and triumphs he will have in his life. The wonderful things his father will be able to teach him. I wonder if he will get his father's wide chest and solid frame. Whose nose will he have? It's so crazy.

Also, I've been feeling the baby move since November 16th, which is freakin' awesome. He is very active most of the time. Now I can't wait until it gets strong enough for DH to feel.

Big U/S on Nov 25

Just before Thanksgiving, which is perfect. I'll be able to let work know just before going on vacation.

We did get a chance to see the baby today. She couldn't find the heartbeat on the doppler, so we got a bonus sono. Baby was kicking! I don't think he/she likes the sonograms so much. It's amazing how much the baby has grown in six weeks.

Now there is just the wait until the 25th...three weeks.

Still living, breathing, and growing

Just a quick update. Things are still great. Outgrew my first set of maternity pants and had to go shopping this weekend for more. I'm at that fat lady stage. Looking forward to the time when I actually look pregnant.

Our next appointment is Nov. 4th and hopefully we will find out the gender of our little one.

I'm here, I swear.

Everything's fine, honest. Just life and work happens...and naps happen. Oh my god the napping that has gone on is insane. It's amazing I'm conscious right now.

Had our third ultrasound about two weeks ago. Baby was bouncing around having a grand time. We saw arms, legs and eye sockets plus a beautiful heartbeat. Also found out my bladder was growing some seriously strange bacteria and went on cipro for 5 days (just did the follow up test today, hopefully it's gone).

On Sunday I had my first dehydration cramps...didn't have any water until lunch and apparently baby does not like that. Everything was fine once I downed two glasses of water at the restaurant.

As far as showing...nothing the general public would notice but I can notice something in the mirror in the evening when I strip down for bed.

Being spoiled by frequent ultrasounds is now driving me nuts. I can't believe I have to wait four more weeks to know that everything is okay in there. I just keep telling myself no bleeding=happy baby. It's freakin' hard!

Also, my parents gave us the money to purchase our dream stroller. Brand new they cost upwards of 800, but we found one on craigslist in practically new condition for 200. They're made in Europe. It starts out as a bassinet and then has a toddler seat that clips on after you remove the bassinet and the seat is good up to 75 lbs. It's freakin' gorgeous. Here's a picture of it with the bassinet.



I will try to update more often.

A much-needed update

Sorry for the long silence. Our internet is down and there is only random times where I can get any signal. I happened to catch it at a good time.

Everything with the baby is great. We graduated from the RE on Wednesday. It was almost sad going around and saying goodbye to everyone, and then leaving, knowing we would not be back until we wanted another child.

DH has been super cute. I did some extra work at work on Saturday, and came home to a completely spotless house, including clean dishes (and he HATES doing dishes)! And, on the way home from work the other day he picked up some baby name books. It's so cute!

Here's the latest pic of the baby. At 8 wks and 2 dys.

Introducing Baby H

We had our first ultrasound today at 7wks 2dys and everything looked wonderful! We have one lovely growing little one in there with a great, strong heartbeat! Our RE is spoiling us with another ultrasound next Wednesday too.

Without further ado, here he or she is! (follow the arrow. Baby is between the two white plus signs)

3rd Beta in

and it's 4,848! Woohoo!

We are so pregnant.

:-)

5 week mark

So, things are going well. I'm anxious for my follow up beta on Thursday (19dp5dt), just because it is nice to have the reassurance that everything is going the way it should.

Symptom wise, each day varies. I've had a fair share of headaches; still broken out like crazy on my chin; and OMG the bloat!! I wore my loosest pair of jeans to dinner with my parents on Saturday and was so bloated by the end that I actually bruised the area above my belly button. My abs are still sore! So I moved onto elastic waiste capris and jogging pants (on vacation, thankfully). I'm still trying to figure out my wardrobe when my month of vaca is over (year round is a wonderful thing).

I'll update on Friday once I get the beta results. First u/s is scheduled for Wed., Sept. 3rd (can't wait!!).

On the puppy front, we did finally name him...Banjo!

New puppy!

He doesn't quite have a name yet, but here he is!

We doubled!

Got the best phone call from one of the nurses today. Our second beta came back at...88! We more than doubled, woohoo!!!

Now that I'm pregnant, all meds are covered, so the clinic is ordering more estradiol and prog. in oil w/ syringes and it's covered under insurance!!

I will have one more beta in ten days and then we get to see our little one (or ones) on September 3rd.

I finally feel just purely happy, without a nagging little voice. I allowed myself to go out and get a pregnancy book (Your Pregnancy, Week by Week).

And, to top everything off, we are getting a new dog tomorrow. A beautiful beagle from our local shelter. He is too precious!

Guess What?

We're pregnant!!!

At 7dp5dt we have a beta of..................41!!!


I can't even describe how wonderful this is...what a blessing!

And thank you to all of you for supporting me and keeping me going.

2 made it to freeze

Which I'm happy with. They only freeze top quality embryos, so the odds of both thawing well are good.

What's killing me is waiting for Saturday and my beta. I know it's only like 3 days away, but right now it's like waiting a year.

Keep everything crossed and pray to whomever you believe in for Saturday to be a good phone call and not a bad phone call.

bedrest city

Well, I'm back from the egg transfer. Dr. Vu told us that we have three Grade 1A blastocysts and a few that may become blastocysts in 24 to 48 hours. We put back two and asked them to culture out the slow starters a few more days.

It was such an emotional moment seeing that little blip of movement on the sonogram as he released the fluid and eggs into my uterus. DH squeezed my hand as I cried. What an amazing moment.

On the ride home I rode reclined, which led to mostly sleeping on the way home too.

DH has been super cute and protective. He rubbed my belly on the way home; wouldn't even let me carry my purse; and has given me a sweet setup in the bedroom complete with laptop and snacks.

I'm so lucky.

Snuggle in embies, we love you so much already.

5 day transfer

That's right. On Saturday at 8:45 am we get to meet our embabies. So excited...so freakin' excited!!

ER and fert report

ER itself went fine. The last thing I remember is them putting my oxygen mask on and then next they were asking me to shimmy my hiney onto the bed. As soon as they wheeled me out, I started cramping. My body was definitely not pleased with getting everything sucked out of it. I was extremely uncomfortable for about 12 hours, but as it came toward bedtime, things got better. Let me tell you though, using the restroom...not fun.

Today is much better. I did stay home again today (which was good, still sore), and just heard my fert report.

Out of 19 eggs, 18 were mature. All 18 were ICSI'd, and 13 are up and growing.

13 embabies...13 babies...13 possible children sitting in a little dish in an incubator, just waiting for their parents.

God, I can't wait.

They will call tomorrow or Thursday morning and tell me if it will be 3 day or a 5 day transfer (right now, it looks like 5).

I can't wait to be a mom.

Last follie scan-ER monday

So we trigger tonight. Dr. Vu has me stim for one more day and we went in this morning. We have nine on the left and 12 on the right all at 18mm or more. I'm excited that we have so many but nervous about ER.

I really trust Dr. Vu and his staff. I know it will work out.

First follie scan

We are happy campers so far. We are on day six of stims and so far I have 12 follicles at 10-11mm on my right side and 13 follicles at 10-11mm on my left side.

Holy follicles, batman!

We're so freakin' excited.

Next scan is Wednesday.

Started Stims today

This morning I went in for my baseline ultrasound and E2. One of the nurses was nice enough to administer my follistim for me (DH normally does all my injections). It feels really good to get into the real meat of this process now. Dr. Vu believes we might break 30 on the number of eggs at retrieval. I know they will not all be mature and not all of them will fertilize. However, if we can get a third of those to divide properly, I would be thrilled. We would have two put back in and freeze the other eight, with the hope that four would survive the next defrost.

BTW, looooooooove the follistim needles. I didn't even know anything went in. Freakin' awesome.

"I love Mommy" Onesie

That's what DH presented to me for our 3rd anniversary. We were in front of the fountains at the Bellagio in Vegas and he pulled out a bracelet jewelry box. I opened it and there was this adorable green onesie with the words "I love Mommy" on it. I fell apart and sobbed into his shoulder. I was so touched. He is so wonderful.

Quick update

I have much to tell, especially about what wonderful DH gave me for our 3 year anniversary, but I don't have the time at the moment.

I did want to mark this day, because today we administered our first injection at home (lupron, of course).

Easy, cheesy. Just a pinch and we were done. DH is awesome at administering the injections. I'm so lucky.

Here they are...

It was so overwhelming. We both sat there checking the order as tears streamed down my face. I'm not scared, it's just surreal. I mean, we're staring at $3,000 in medication that we will be administering at home with the hopes of conceiving children. Unbelievable. Now, it's all packed away. The refridged stuff has it's own crisper in the fridge and the rest resides in the foam cooler it came in.

Off and running

Hysteroscopy was freakin' awesome! Nothing like my HSG at all. There were a few times where I was uncomfortable, but being able to see my uterus on the television and listening to Dr. Vu explain the anatomy to me made it hard to focus on the discomfort. Everything looks great in there.

The internal ultrasound was awesome because my RE was quite excited...there are at least 13-15 follicles in each ovary!! Woo hoo!

After all of this, we received our protocol. Here is it what I'm currently pricing:

Leuprolide 2.8 ml 2 week kit
Follistim AQ 75 ml vial
Follistim 600iu pen
Follistim 900 iu pen (2 of them!)
Ovidrel 250 mcg
Menopur 75 iu vial (15 of them, freakin yikes!!!)

We received our schedule too. I start Lupron on July 6th, stims on July 16th, ER on July 28th and ET on August 2nd.

Oh, and BTW I AM SO FREAKIN' EXCITED!!!!

Started BCP and Hysteroscopy nervousness

Well, BCPs started on Friday, so we really have jumped into the IVF process. On Wednesday I have a mock transfer and follicle count, and I'm assuming we'll be told what medications to order then.

However, I found out today that I'm also scheduled for a hysteroscopy on Wednesday. Mmmm...not so keen about that, since my HSG was super not fun. I'm hoping some of my TTC blogger buddies can help me out with what to expect, cause I'm a nervous nelly over here.

So ladies, lets hear it. What am I in for?

"Why don't you just get dogs?"

A direct quote from one of my male coworkers when I told my colleagues about our IF.

Unfreakin' believable.

First Clinic appointment and schedule

So, I totally love our RE (Dr. Vu). He is super humorous. He says we're the kind of patients that make the clinic look good (Yay!). Our case manager is super nice and everyone at the clinic really goes out of their way to make you feel important and special (Kaiser in Sacramento). Pricing is actually pretty darn good. Grand total, we will probably shell out about 13,000. Also, long-term embryo storage is really affordable, so on the whole we are really, really pleased.

Scheduling wise, we will start BCP in mid-June (at the start of my next cycle). Then stimming will start in July. Retrieval will happen sometime during the last two weeks of July (they will put me out...thank goodness). RE says we will probably go for a 5 day transfer. Beta #1 will probably be mid August.

I'm excited and scared all in one...but focusing on the prize...a child.

IVF it is

Testing came back and DH's numbers actually fell. So, with the failure of his Clomid regiment for three months, we are onto IVF.

Our first appointment with the IVF RE is May 19th.

Right now, I don't think about it much. I'm not a big fan of the whole injection concept, so I try not to dwell on it. The last thing I need to do is get all psyched out about a few tiny needles.

I am, however, bolstered by the recent success of a few of my blogmates. Maybe I will be joining them soon.

Tick tock

Time is rapidly closing. I'm not sure how I feel about IVF. I haven't really been thinking about it; holding out hope that we won't have to take that step.

Our funding has come through; more than we actually thought we would accrue, so we will be able to afford at least a few rounds of IVF.


The sun has yet to come out and shine life-wise, but we're holding our heads down and trudging through. We'll get there...it would just be nice if it was soon.

Patience is obviously not one of my virtues.

Tagged by a friend

A wonderful blogmate tagged me to share seven unusual things about me.


1. I pick at my fingers. Disgusting I know. Mostly it is just my thumbs and only when I feel stress or boredom. It’s a leftover vice from when I used to bite my fingernails (I stopped that when James put an engagement ring on my finger. I thought such a beautiful thing deserved a hand with nice-looking nails). It actually runs in the family. My aunt still bites hers and my mom used to until she was engaged as well. Weird how things travel down through the genes.


2. I acquired a weird fear for about two years after the drunk driving accident. I was unable to sleep in houses that were not my own. I would get visibly scared. Even at home, I had to sleep with the light on. It was like I became afraid of the dark. My brain had convinced itself that if I could get hit be a drunk driver, anything else could get me as well. By grad school I overcame it.


3. I am an only child, which means I suffer from space issues. One of my best friends at work is a Special Ed. teacher and she always gives me a bad time about my space issue. I tend to take up as much as three regular person spaces at the lunch table. I just don’t think about it when I lay out my things. I think it’s because I never had to make room for a sibling. It’s really kind of funny.


4. I hate clutter but also dislike cleaning. I will find it hard to work in a room that is incredibly cluttered but tend to not find the motivation to take care of the clutter. Then, when I finally do clean up, I feel great, but forget that nice feeling the next time I need to clean. It’s a vicious cycle.


5. I am perpetually subconsciously concerned that I will mis-set my alarm clock and wake up late for work. This has never actually happened, but is something I worry about.


6. If I did not have my lovely husband, it is possible I would turn into the cat lady. A crazy one, no doubt.


7. When I was little I could not watch the "Ghost Busters" movie because I was afraid the cement devil dog from the roof would burst through my bedroom window and eat me.


Hope you enjoyed this glimpse into my insanity.

T-minus three weeks and counting...

In about three weeks DH has his follow-up SA and then we know. If his numbers are 10 mil. or more, we move onto IUI with clomid. If his numbers are less than 10, we are looking at jumping into IVF.

God has provided funding for our baby. Between gifts, taxes, and the sale of some possessions, we will be able to do IVF.

Just three weeks to go...

The waiting journey is ending...

Well, the "break" is almost over. The IF talk has slowly seeped it's way back into casual conversation between DH and I. Now there's money concerns and discussion about possible clinics. The SART data was posted this week, so I've been comparing all the local clinics. I leaning in one direction, but will really have to sit down with DH and look at all the numbers.

Life's lemons are slowing. The memorial for mom's BFF was good. Sad and hard, but cathartic. I threw out my back, which sucks, but I'm starting to feel better. Vacation starts on Friday (one month; thank goodness for year-round education).

DH's cousin is pregnant with an "unplanned" pregnancy. I'm actually quite happy for them. They're both in their late 30's. They adopted after three unexplained miscarriages and then carried a beautiful little girl to term. Now I'm praying for them that this one sticks too. They've gone through enough loss.

Our stressful in-law family situation is starting to simmer down. I'm still not pleased with them, but am not outright enraged anymore.

Things are starting to look up.

sigh

I need to be pregnant.

Well, Crap

Mom's best friend of 13 years passed yesterday afternoon. The whole family is suffering. I miss her at random moments, like today at the market when we were looking at the flowers.

Our in-laws have caused a huge family rift that might never be mended. It's awful.

And, of course, there is IF.

I want things to get better.

I'm tired of lemons.

Update

It has been awhile, and I do apologize for that. Things have been hectic.


Report cards were due, so there is always a big push to complete all of their writing proficiencies and grade them.

My mom's best friend has terminal brain cancer. They've give her at most six months to live. She's already at the point where she does not know who anyone is and can only say words over and over again. It's awful. She's only 37 with two little girls and a loving family. She's even a fellow TTTCer (she needed assistance with her second child). It's really tearing up my parents.

DH was sick with a bad cold, and now I'm just getting over one as well.

We are now digging ourselves out of the pile. We're content, just busy.

Better now

After two days of talking and crying, things are better.


I will live.


TTTC sister, I shall email you tomorrow.

...

I am not myself anymore. I am an angry, bitter, quick to lash out, depressed human being...and it scares the crap out of me. I have no one to talk to. I want to be happy again. I want to be me again.

Help.

Not Actively Trying

but not preventing...I think I'm okay with that. I think we both needed a little break.

DH clomid protocol ends in April. Then we'll see.

No IVF Coverage

Not that it's a surprise, but we don't have IVF coverage. It just sucks that we have to worry about paying to HAVE a child. I still don't understand the rhyme or reason of it. The crack fiend and whore on the corner can produce like crazy, but here we are, decent, taxing paying people and we have to pay to put our stuff in a dish and create some life.

What world is this?

Coverage mumbo jumbo

Why can't they just put includes or excludes IVF in the coverage manual? Seriously, it would make my life so much easier than this legalese crap I'm reading.

The way I read it, it covers all procedures and diagnostic related to "involuntary infertility" which to me would include IVF. However, you never know how to take what these things say.

I've contacted member services...lets hope I hear from them soon (and they can actually give me a yes or no answer).

Hard road ahead

Well, we went to the RE today.

I've been spotting for a few days, but my ultrasound showed follicles but nothing dominant. Also, my lining is only at ten, which the doctor said was thin, so probably not AF either. He ordered me a prescription of Provera which I will pick up tomorrow. Also, we now know I definitely have PCOS, so yay for having that cleared up. But I don't start treatment because....

DH's count is too low for IUI, so there is no point in me going through the medication. The RE prescribed a higher dosage of Clomid for him, but in his professional opinion, the drugs will have little to no effect.



We are left with IVF w/ ICSI as our most viable option.


We are going to take a break for three months while we wait for the Clomid to most likely not work.

Tomorrow's the big day

Well, it's finally here. After numerous OB appointments, the urologist, and lots of blood work, tomorrow we get to know what this all points towards.

We will meet with the RE, get an internal ultrasound (shouldn't I at least get dinner first?) and have a plan...an actual, honest-to-goodness, here is what we do next kind of plan...I'm nervous (don't want to have to do injectables, but I'm ready for anything) and excited, and a little scared (what if he says our chances are like, nada?).

On a less than stellar note, I haven't gone in for urine HPT because I'm spotting again. My body hasn't decided if this is going to turn into AF or not. However, it is slightly embarrassing, because things will be a little messy for the RE. I know he does things like this all the time, but that doesn't help.

Uterus revolt

Well, I tested...bfn.

It's hard because I could tell even my DH was hopeful. He actually woke up and went to ask me while I was in the shower. Usually I just wake him and tell him the results before I leave for work.

It's just not fair. You're taught that if your period is late you are mostly like pregnant. It's practically ingrained into you and yet...here we are.

Dear Uterus,

I know you don't like me. I know we're not even really on speaking terms, but this is just too much. Here we are at CD 39 and AF has not decided to show. Tomorrow morning I'm going to take an HPT and, Uterus, it would really be nice if you could cooperate with this.

I mean, at this point, with everything being so late, if you give me a negative...well than f#$% you too.

Day 35

CD 35 and no sign of AF. I've had lots of CM for over a week now. Two weeks ago tomorrow I had b/w and my progesterone was .7.

I don't know what to think but optimism is again creeping back in.

If no AF by Monday, I'm testing.


God, please don't let my body hate me so much to fake me out this much.