Not Actively Trying

but not preventing...I think I'm okay with that. I think we both needed a little break.

DH clomid protocol ends in April. Then we'll see.

No IVF Coverage

Not that it's a surprise, but we don't have IVF coverage. It just sucks that we have to worry about paying to HAVE a child. I still don't understand the rhyme or reason of it. The crack fiend and whore on the corner can produce like crazy, but here we are, decent, taxing paying people and we have to pay to put our stuff in a dish and create some life.

What world is this?

Coverage mumbo jumbo

Why can't they just put includes or excludes IVF in the coverage manual? Seriously, it would make my life so much easier than this legalese crap I'm reading.

The way I read it, it covers all procedures and diagnostic related to "involuntary infertility" which to me would include IVF. However, you never know how to take what these things say.

I've contacted member services...lets hope I hear from them soon (and they can actually give me a yes or no answer).

Hard road ahead

Well, we went to the RE today.

I've been spotting for a few days, but my ultrasound showed follicles but nothing dominant. Also, my lining is only at ten, which the doctor said was thin, so probably not AF either. He ordered me a prescription of Provera which I will pick up tomorrow. Also, we now know I definitely have PCOS, so yay for having that cleared up. But I don't start treatment because....

DH's count is too low for IUI, so there is no point in me going through the medication. The RE prescribed a higher dosage of Clomid for him, but in his professional opinion, the drugs will have little to no effect.



We are left with IVF w/ ICSI as our most viable option.


We are going to take a break for three months while we wait for the Clomid to most likely not work.

Tomorrow's the big day

Well, it's finally here. After numerous OB appointments, the urologist, and lots of blood work, tomorrow we get to know what this all points towards.

We will meet with the RE, get an internal ultrasound (shouldn't I at least get dinner first?) and have a plan...an actual, honest-to-goodness, here is what we do next kind of plan...I'm nervous (don't want to have to do injectables, but I'm ready for anything) and excited, and a little scared (what if he says our chances are like, nada?).

On a less than stellar note, I haven't gone in for urine HPT because I'm spotting again. My body hasn't decided if this is going to turn into AF or not. However, it is slightly embarrassing, because things will be a little messy for the RE. I know he does things like this all the time, but that doesn't help.

Uterus revolt

Well, I tested...bfn.

It's hard because I could tell even my DH was hopeful. He actually woke up and went to ask me while I was in the shower. Usually I just wake him and tell him the results before I leave for work.

It's just not fair. You're taught that if your period is late you are mostly like pregnant. It's practically ingrained into you and yet...here we are.

Dear Uterus,

I know you don't like me. I know we're not even really on speaking terms, but this is just too much. Here we are at CD 39 and AF has not decided to show. Tomorrow morning I'm going to take an HPT and, Uterus, it would really be nice if you could cooperate with this.

I mean, at this point, with everything being so late, if you give me a negative...well than f#$% you too.

Day 35

CD 35 and no sign of AF. I've had lots of CM for over a week now. Two weeks ago tomorrow I had b/w and my progesterone was .7.

I don't know what to think but optimism is again creeping back in.

If no AF by Monday, I'm testing.


God, please don't let my body hate me so much to fake me out this much.