We were leaving Target this evening, when I had a realization.
I thought to myself "Maybe we'll be pregnant by next Christmas"
And then I realized I thought the same thing last Christmas...
I feel broken.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Spotting
I'm spotting and I don't know why.
This is only CD 19, there should be nothing going on. Well, I haven't ovulated this cycle and probably won't, just like last cycle. I'm not ovulating right this second, because the monitor gave me my ninth high today, but no peak (which tells me from my cycle history I'm not going to ovulate this month).
I hate crap like this because then I get that little voice in my head that says..."what if you did ovulate on like cd 11 and this is implantation spotting" Like I need feckin' hope like that.
Just when you think you've come to terms with a cycle, something else has to come in just to screw with your head.
Craptastic.
This is only CD 19, there should be nothing going on. Well, I haven't ovulated this cycle and probably won't, just like last cycle. I'm not ovulating right this second, because the monitor gave me my ninth high today, but no peak (which tells me from my cycle history I'm not going to ovulate this month).
I hate crap like this because then I get that little voice in my head that says..."what if you did ovulate on like cd 11 and this is implantation spotting" Like I need feckin' hope like that.
Just when you think you've come to terms with a cycle, something else has to come in just to screw with your head.
Craptastic.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Need a friend
I need a friend...
Someone to do stuff with when DH goes fishing.
Someone to call and tell about my crappy day.
Someone to care and worry and wonder about how we're doing with IF.
Someone who isn't self-centered and actually asks about how my life is going once in a while.
Is that too much to ask??
Someone to do stuff with when DH goes fishing.
Someone to call and tell about my crappy day.
Someone to care and worry and wonder about how we're doing with IF.
Someone who isn't self-centered and actually asks about how my life is going once in a while.
Is that too much to ask??
Sunday, December 9, 2007
TMI
The lovely leakage and spotting from the HSG comes and goes, but man is the stuff that comes out gross!!!!
Eww!
Hope this goes away by tomorrow.
Eww!
Hope this goes away by tomorrow.
Friday, December 7, 2007
HSG
Well, it was...interesting. Definitely would not describe it as fun.
In the morning I was so nervous/terrified, it was all I could do not to get sick before we left. I was a big girl though, and did not lose my breakfast (which was Doxycyc. and some crackers).
When we got to the hospital, I was super nervous and even more nervous when they said that DH had to stay in the waiting room. There were two nurses when I got into the radiology room. They were both super nice and supportive. I had my own private restroom to change and get ready in. When I came out, the blonde nurse went through the whole procedure with me. I asked her about pain, and she was honest. She said it was something like menstrual cramps but worse.
Both nurses helped me onto the raised table and we took a practice picture. That was kind of cool because I could see my pelvis and spine (I've got this thing about internal pictures...I think it's kind of neat). Then the doctor came out. One nurse assisted him while the other talked to me and held my hand.
They inserted the speculum and cleaned me. Then he inserted the catheter. He said I was having a small cramp (I guess he could see my cervix cramping?) but I really only felt pressure. It was kind of weird. It didn't hurt, but I could definitely tell something was in there.
Then he started to inject the dye. At first I could feel the dye but didn't have any cramps. However, as he started to add more dye I did start to cramp. Then the cramps got stronger and closer together as even more dye was added. They moved the x-ray over and started taking pictures. I grabbed the sides of the table and said "Oww" a lot. It started getting really bad at the end. I had a huge, long cramp that made me nauseous. Just when I thought I just couldn't do it and was about to cry, he stopped injecting the dye. We took one last picture (I had to wiggle my hips a little before this one to get the dye to fall through one tube) and then removed the catheter (which I didn't feel at all).
The nurses told me just to lie there for a few minutes and let the pain/pressure subside. The doctor told me everything looked great. As I was resting, the nurse and I discussed my x-ray that they had left on the screen for me to look at.
In summary: It was bad, but not in the horrible way I had thought it would be. I would definitely recommend that everyone who has one makes sure they urinate first, because I don't think bladder control would be working with all the cramps I had. Take painkillers before. They won't necessarily help with the cramping during the procedure, but will definitely lessen the discomfort afterwards.
It's been about five hours since mine and what I feel now is this burning sensation in my very unhappy tubes. It's not debilitating, just uncomfortable, and a little weird.
In the morning I was so nervous/terrified, it was all I could do not to get sick before we left. I was a big girl though, and did not lose my breakfast (which was Doxycyc. and some crackers).
When we got to the hospital, I was super nervous and even more nervous when they said that DH had to stay in the waiting room. There were two nurses when I got into the radiology room. They were both super nice and supportive. I had my own private restroom to change and get ready in. When I came out, the blonde nurse went through the whole procedure with me. I asked her about pain, and she was honest. She said it was something like menstrual cramps but worse.
Both nurses helped me onto the raised table and we took a practice picture. That was kind of cool because I could see my pelvis and spine (I've got this thing about internal pictures...I think it's kind of neat). Then the doctor came out. One nurse assisted him while the other talked to me and held my hand.
They inserted the speculum and cleaned me. Then he inserted the catheter. He said I was having a small cramp (I guess he could see my cervix cramping?) but I really only felt pressure. It was kind of weird. It didn't hurt, but I could definitely tell something was in there.
Then he started to inject the dye. At first I could feel the dye but didn't have any cramps. However, as he started to add more dye I did start to cramp. Then the cramps got stronger and closer together as even more dye was added. They moved the x-ray over and started taking pictures. I grabbed the sides of the table and said "Oww" a lot. It started getting really bad at the end. I had a huge, long cramp that made me nauseous. Just when I thought I just couldn't do it and was about to cry, he stopped injecting the dye. We took one last picture (I had to wiggle my hips a little before this one to get the dye to fall through one tube) and then removed the catheter (which I didn't feel at all).
The nurses told me just to lie there for a few minutes and let the pain/pressure subside. The doctor told me everything looked great. As I was resting, the nurse and I discussed my x-ray that they had left on the screen for me to look at.
In summary: It was bad, but not in the horrible way I had thought it would be. I would definitely recommend that everyone who has one makes sure they urinate first, because I don't think bladder control would be working with all the cramps I had. Take painkillers before. They won't necessarily help with the cramping during the procedure, but will definitely lessen the discomfort afterwards.
It's been about five hours since mine and what I feel now is this burning sensation in my very unhappy tubes. It's not debilitating, just uncomfortable, and a little weird.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Hilarity and nervousness all in one
Well, yesterday just made me giggle. I went into the lab to give a urine sample for an hcg test. They want to make sure I'm not pregnant before my HSG. So I had waited to use the restroom for several hours so I would actually need to go. Well, I think I waited a little too long, because by the time I got to the lab I was practically dancing around in the lobby.
So I get into the restroom to do my thing...and lets just say I ended up with as much in the cup as on the cup and my hand. It was gross but I couldn't help but laugh a little at the absurdity of it all. Here I had waited hours because I was concerned I would have a problem giving them a sample and that obviously wasn't the case. I don't know...maybe you had to be there.
On another note...HSG tomorrow. Nervous but trying not to think about it. I started taking my antibiotics this morning. Man do these pills have like a million things you are not supposed to eat or do when taking them. There were so many warning labels they had to print out two pages to give to me because they couldn't put them all on the bottle. But, it is definitely better than getting an infection from the procedure.
Wish me luck.
So I get into the restroom to do my thing...and lets just say I ended up with as much in the cup as on the cup and my hand. It was gross but I couldn't help but laugh a little at the absurdity of it all. Here I had waited hours because I was concerned I would have a problem giving them a sample and that obviously wasn't the case. I don't know...maybe you had to be there.
On another note...HSG tomorrow. Nervous but trying not to think about it. I started taking my antibiotics this morning. Man do these pills have like a million things you are not supposed to eat or do when taking them. There were so many warning labels they had to print out two pages to give to me because they couldn't put them all on the bottle. But, it is definitely better than getting an infection from the procedure.
Wish me luck.
Saturday, December 1, 2007
The little things
I'm trying to find happiness in the little things as this ever so crappy 2007 winds down.
Having an excuse to put the peddle to the floor to get the car up to speed on an on-ramp...that's pretty fun.
My DH waking me up this morning by stroking my hair and looking lovingly at me...that was freakin' awesome.
Christmas lights...those are good.
Finding faith in the small things...that's keeping my head above water.
I'm hoping that if I keep looking for the little things, I won't let my fears about my upcoming HSG overwhelming me. For now, it's moment by moment.
Having an excuse to put the peddle to the floor to get the car up to speed on an on-ramp...that's pretty fun.
My DH waking me up this morning by stroking my hair and looking lovingly at me...that was freakin' awesome.
Christmas lights...those are good.
Finding faith in the small things...that's keeping my head above water.
I'm hoping that if I keep looking for the little things, I won't let my fears about my upcoming HSG overwhelming me. For now, it's moment by moment.
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