T-minus three weeks and counting...

In about three weeks DH has his follow-up SA and then we know. If his numbers are 10 mil. or more, we move onto IUI with clomid. If his numbers are less than 10, we are looking at jumping into IVF.

God has provided funding for our baby. Between gifts, taxes, and the sale of some possessions, we will be able to do IVF.

Just three weeks to go...

The waiting journey is ending...

Well, the "break" is almost over. The IF talk has slowly seeped it's way back into casual conversation between DH and I. Now there's money concerns and discussion about possible clinics. The SART data was posted this week, so I've been comparing all the local clinics. I leaning in one direction, but will really have to sit down with DH and look at all the numbers.

Life's lemons are slowing. The memorial for mom's BFF was good. Sad and hard, but cathartic. I threw out my back, which sucks, but I'm starting to feel better. Vacation starts on Friday (one month; thank goodness for year-round education).

DH's cousin is pregnant with an "unplanned" pregnancy. I'm actually quite happy for them. They're both in their late 30's. They adopted after three unexplained miscarriages and then carried a beautiful little girl to term. Now I'm praying for them that this one sticks too. They've gone through enough loss.

Our stressful in-law family situation is starting to simmer down. I'm still not pleased with them, but am not outright enraged anymore.

Things are starting to look up.

sigh

I need to be pregnant.

Well, Crap

Mom's best friend of 13 years passed yesterday afternoon. The whole family is suffering. I miss her at random moments, like today at the market when we were looking at the flowers.

Our in-laws have caused a huge family rift that might never be mended. It's awful.

And, of course, there is IF.

I want things to get better.

I'm tired of lemons.

Update

It has been awhile, and I do apologize for that. Things have been hectic.


Report cards were due, so there is always a big push to complete all of their writing proficiencies and grade them.

My mom's best friend has terminal brain cancer. They've give her at most six months to live. She's already at the point where she does not know who anyone is and can only say words over and over again. It's awful. She's only 37 with two little girls and a loving family. She's even a fellow TTTCer (she needed assistance with her second child). It's really tearing up my parents.

DH was sick with a bad cold, and now I'm just getting over one as well.

We are now digging ourselves out of the pile. We're content, just busy.

Better now

After two days of talking and crying, things are better.


I will live.


TTTC sister, I shall email you tomorrow.

...

I am not myself anymore. I am an angry, bitter, quick to lash out, depressed human being...and it scares the crap out of me. I have no one to talk to. I want to be happy again. I want to be me again.

Help.